A Review of "Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both
Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both by Laura Sessions Stepp, offers an honest, insightful (sometimes brutal) view into the world of “hooking up.” Stepp explores the meaning and practice of “hooking up” as well as how “hooking up” emerged in our culture through cultural observation and through relationships and interviews with various high school and college women.
As Stepp sets out to define the terms of hooking up she finds that the term has no real definition. Stepp observes:
That’s the beauty of the term “hooking up” for girls”: It’s so vague that they can do whatever they want and not feel bad or even awkward when dishing with a girlfriend…You’ve got to give them credit; they’ve come up with a vocabulary that gives them maximum freedom. The distance between what one says and what one means has never been greater…It’s hard not to laugh at their colorful language, and equally hard not to be a bit disturbed by the attitude that intimacy is disposable (27-28).
The lack of concrete definition erects and reinforces barriers between individuals because the term itself hides authenticity in its ambiguity. Hooking up feeds and promotes the culture’s self-centered, individualist attitude because it downplays the importance of intimacy. Intimacy is lacking in sexual experiences because sex (and the sexual partner) is treated as both disconnected and disposable. The terminology of hooking up also breaks down intimacy among friendship relationships because honest discussion is hindered by vague and formless descriptions of relationships and experiences. With hooking up as the primary mode of operation between the sexes, there is no perceived need for a progression of physical intimacy as relationships are developed. Rather, Stepp points out, there is little to no relationship involved in hooking up, simply individuals using another’s body to satisfy a physical need. In effect, men and women are having sex but they are not making love.
Stepp walks the reader through the lives of several young women in high school and college to illustrate and describe the culture in which they live. She uses journalistic objectivity in her research and assessment of the matter at hand, yet she is clearly a mentor and mother-figure to these women. Stepp evaluates different factors that have contributed to the trends and attitudes of hooking up—feminism, parents, and the college environment are some of the key players. Unhooked offers a balanced critique of outside influences (i.e. feminism and college administration) and personal choices that affect the lives and relationships of the young women in the book.
At its core, Unhooked is a somewhat heart-breaking and sobering account, which shows how young women are negatively affected by this hook-up culture. Stepp observes, “A girl can tuck a Trojan into her purse on a Saturday night, but there is no such device to protect her heart” (225). Laura Sessions Stepp offers this book to encourage young women to consider how their actions affect them and to challenge older women and mothers to consider their responsibility to reach out to younger women.
As a person in ministry, this book has reminded me of the need to fight against the rampant individualism and isolation that we are prone to in our culture. Students on college campuses must be called out from their secret behaviors and brought into the light—we are often the ones who will ask the awkward question of what “hooking up” really means and look to the heart of the matter. Stepp is right in highlighting young people’s need for community and for wise counsel but the truth is that those things alone will not change their experiences. Unhooked is a tool that has painted a picture of our need for the conviction and comfort that Christ brings to us in the gospel.
As Stepp sets out to define the terms of hooking up she finds that the term has no real definition. Stepp observes:
That’s the beauty of the term “hooking up” for girls”: It’s so vague that they can do whatever they want and not feel bad or even awkward when dishing with a girlfriend…You’ve got to give them credit; they’ve come up with a vocabulary that gives them maximum freedom. The distance between what one says and what one means has never been greater…It’s hard not to laugh at their colorful language, and equally hard not to be a bit disturbed by the attitude that intimacy is disposable (27-28).
The lack of concrete definition erects and reinforces barriers between individuals because the term itself hides authenticity in its ambiguity. Hooking up feeds and promotes the culture’s self-centered, individualist attitude because it downplays the importance of intimacy. Intimacy is lacking in sexual experiences because sex (and the sexual partner) is treated as both disconnected and disposable. The terminology of hooking up also breaks down intimacy among friendship relationships because honest discussion is hindered by vague and formless descriptions of relationships and experiences. With hooking up as the primary mode of operation between the sexes, there is no perceived need for a progression of physical intimacy as relationships are developed. Rather, Stepp points out, there is little to no relationship involved in hooking up, simply individuals using another’s body to satisfy a physical need. In effect, men and women are having sex but they are not making love.
Stepp walks the reader through the lives of several young women in high school and college to illustrate and describe the culture in which they live. She uses journalistic objectivity in her research and assessment of the matter at hand, yet she is clearly a mentor and mother-figure to these women. Stepp evaluates different factors that have contributed to the trends and attitudes of hooking up—feminism, parents, and the college environment are some of the key players. Unhooked offers a balanced critique of outside influences (i.e. feminism and college administration) and personal choices that affect the lives and relationships of the young women in the book.
At its core, Unhooked is a somewhat heart-breaking and sobering account, which shows how young women are negatively affected by this hook-up culture. Stepp observes, “A girl can tuck a Trojan into her purse on a Saturday night, but there is no such device to protect her heart” (225). Laura Sessions Stepp offers this book to encourage young women to consider how their actions affect them and to challenge older women and mothers to consider their responsibility to reach out to younger women.
As a person in ministry, this book has reminded me of the need to fight against the rampant individualism and isolation that we are prone to in our culture. Students on college campuses must be called out from their secret behaviors and brought into the light—we are often the ones who will ask the awkward question of what “hooking up” really means and look to the heart of the matter. Stepp is right in highlighting young people’s need for community and for wise counsel but the truth is that those things alone will not change their experiences. Unhooked is a tool that has painted a picture of our need for the conviction and comfort that Christ brings to us in the gospel.